Christian Inspirational and Motivational Speaker Derek Clark Shares His Journey On Finding God in Foster Care.

Foster Care Speaker

Christian Inspirational and Motivational Speaker Derek Clark Shares His Experience of Feeling Abandoned By God While in Foster Care.

Hello my friends,

I am going to share with you a bit of my journey on finding faith in God. As a Christian Inspirational and motivational speaker, I get the opportunity to help others overcome adversity and have hope. But I wasn’t always strong like that. Here begins my journey towards finding love from God.

The following is an excerpt from my book “I Will Never Give Up On God Again”. For the greater part of my life, I believed God never loved me or listened to me. I felt like He’d thrown me away in the same callous way my parents had. I felt all alone. Believers may occasionally feel solitude, but their isolation is alleviated by their faith in the presence of God. I couldn’t enjoy that same comfort. I was just lonely. As a kid, I felt even more alone in church, when the congregation would collectively bear testimony to the truth of God. I might be in the middle of a few hundred people, yet the loneliness would settle coldly over me like snow. I had no connection with God. Yes, I would smile and agree with everyone else, pretending to give testimony. But doing so, if it fooled anybody else, certainly didn’t fool me. I always envied the others at my church. They were all so lucky, and so loved by God.

I questioned God’s existence. I tested Him by showing no appreciation. I would yell at Him, cuss at Him, mock Him. I would disrespect the church leaders. I would act out in His holiest places of worship, and laugh loudly during prayers. I certainly had no love in my heart for Him. I would justify it by saying, “God doesn’t love me. If He did, He wouldn’t let little kids like me suffer. Why should I love Him?” The only time I’ve even felt close to God in any way was during the birth of my children. But the feeling of intimacy with something miraculous wasn’t sustained, and I soon reverted back to my normal patterns of thinking.

As a child, I had a rough time mentally, emotionally and physically. I never considered the possibility that God was helping by getting me away from a mother who didn’t care for me, or want me around—who even accused me of being possessed by the devil himself. Thank God I got out of that house. Had I been raised in that place, I probably would have turned into a mental case, or ended up in prison, or even dead. My mother, father, and stepfather all did some horrific things to me, so I must give God the credit for taking me out of that situation. God was there in His triumphant glory, lifting me out of a bad home, and putting me in a foster home where the parents worked with me and loved me, even though I’d been wrongly diagnosed as mentally handicapped. (as it states in my county psychiatric and neurological evaluations at age six)

I have played the victim role by constantly blaming God. I had an angel’s heart, but I was a confused and mislabeled little boy who could only communicate through rage and violence. This tendency followed me into my teenager years, as I became more self-destructive. I now realize that I wasn’t a victim of God, I was a victor with God.

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